Beginners Yoga in the truest sense
"If the angel deigns to come, it will be because you have convinced him, not by tears, but by your humble resolve to be always beginning: to be a beginner."
-Rainer Maria Rilke
If there's anything I am it's a beginner. I feel like I'm starting over and over again, almost constantly. Up until recently, though, it felt like being a beginner was truly a difficult thing - I had to get up - begin the day - begin my process all over again - begin being with my children - begin taking care of myself - begin learning something new. I think I am finally warming up to the idea that I guess beginning's not so bad. It could be good, even, I think.
What does this have to do with Yoga? Well, everything and nothing. Beginning again and again is a concept even Rishis spoke of - but when could we ever NOT be beginning? When we're looking at time as time, when we buy into the idea that there is time at all. In yoga, we are constantly creating, beginning, merging with something higher than ourselves. And it is an active form of living, of processing the process.
I think I am beginning to learn to love myself just the way I am. Because if I am continually beginning, I am always starting again, and I am always fresh and new. I am not old. I am not a body or a static piece of flesh - I am continually growing, going further into myself than I knew there was to go. So I'm imperfect. So what. And so what if my ideas aren't true?
Like, for instance, the idea that when one takes a bath, one must remove all clothing.
Sounds easy enough, right? But, the problem with this is that it is a fixed concept. And a fixed concept - in the mind or otherwise - is never true. Because the nature of life is change, is constant beginnings...
So, today Jai sits in the tub completly clothed - bubbles foaming up around her shoulders - and so happy to be wearing her night dress in the water. She didn't ask if she could do it, she didn't even think about it - she just stepped in to a full, warm bath with all of her clothes on. I asked her how her bath was and she said, "magical," which is one of her favorite words recently. She told me how cool it was that she was able to clean her own clothes while taking a bath.
If I had interrupted in her ritual with my fixed idea of what was the "right" way to take a bath, I would have begun a process of argument with her - of thinking I am right - because I have this fixed notion in my mind. Is it true that you have to take your clothes off to take a successful bath? How can I absolutly know that it is true? (This form of questioning is from Byron Katie's The Work which helps us realize that we suffer because we believe our thoughts.)
So, if I am able to let go of my concept and be flexible, be willing to be molded by life itself, I have learned a great concept in yoga. I have begun again. Jai is happy. I am learning. Who is the real teacher here?
My kids don't go to school. I've co-created with the universe to make this a reality for us. Intentionally. I asked for it and it arrived at our doorstep. And I offer so much gratitude and thanks to all of my true teachers for allowing my heart and mind to open enough to receive this gift. This gift that is home schooling...or rather, unschooling. Letting go - letting our yoga un-do us instead of "doing" our yoga. Un-Yoga-Ing...
I've reconnected with an old friend who reminds me of all that is true. I am thankful beyond words for his wisdom and presence, his gentle and not-so-gentle reminders - but in the end, the ability to begin again and again if we only remind ourselves to become innocent and pure - to follow the heart - to dwell in infinity while in the here and now. To completly trust the process, no matter how grim the outlook becomes, to be wholly alive. Thank you, Jeevan, for being my mentor in all things spiritual - as you once said to me. I love you and honor your presence in my life.
-Rainer Maria Rilke
If there's anything I am it's a beginner. I feel like I'm starting over and over again, almost constantly. Up until recently, though, it felt like being a beginner was truly a difficult thing - I had to get up - begin the day - begin my process all over again - begin being with my children - begin taking care of myself - begin learning something new. I think I am finally warming up to the idea that I guess beginning's not so bad. It could be good, even, I think.
What does this have to do with Yoga? Well, everything and nothing. Beginning again and again is a concept even Rishis spoke of - but when could we ever NOT be beginning? When we're looking at time as time, when we buy into the idea that there is time at all. In yoga, we are constantly creating, beginning, merging with something higher than ourselves. And it is an active form of living, of processing the process.
I think I am beginning to learn to love myself just the way I am. Because if I am continually beginning, I am always starting again, and I am always fresh and new. I am not old. I am not a body or a static piece of flesh - I am continually growing, going further into myself than I knew there was to go. So I'm imperfect. So what. And so what if my ideas aren't true?
Like, for instance, the idea that when one takes a bath, one must remove all clothing.
Sounds easy enough, right? But, the problem with this is that it is a fixed concept. And a fixed concept - in the mind or otherwise - is never true. Because the nature of life is change, is constant beginnings...
So, today Jai sits in the tub completly clothed - bubbles foaming up around her shoulders - and so happy to be wearing her night dress in the water. She didn't ask if she could do it, she didn't even think about it - she just stepped in to a full, warm bath with all of her clothes on. I asked her how her bath was and she said, "magical," which is one of her favorite words recently. She told me how cool it was that she was able to clean her own clothes while taking a bath.
If I had interrupted in her ritual with my fixed idea of what was the "right" way to take a bath, I would have begun a process of argument with her - of thinking I am right - because I have this fixed notion in my mind. Is it true that you have to take your clothes off to take a successful bath? How can I absolutly know that it is true? (This form of questioning is from Byron Katie's The Work which helps us realize that we suffer because we believe our thoughts.)
So, if I am able to let go of my concept and be flexible, be willing to be molded by life itself, I have learned a great concept in yoga. I have begun again. Jai is happy. I am learning. Who is the real teacher here?
My kids don't go to school. I've co-created with the universe to make this a reality for us. Intentionally. I asked for it and it arrived at our doorstep. And I offer so much gratitude and thanks to all of my true teachers for allowing my heart and mind to open enough to receive this gift. This gift that is home schooling...or rather, unschooling. Letting go - letting our yoga un-do us instead of "doing" our yoga. Un-Yoga-Ing...
I've reconnected with an old friend who reminds me of all that is true. I am thankful beyond words for his wisdom and presence, his gentle and not-so-gentle reminders - but in the end, the ability to begin again and again if we only remind ourselves to become innocent and pure - to follow the heart - to dwell in infinity while in the here and now. To completly trust the process, no matter how grim the outlook becomes, to be wholly alive. Thank you, Jeevan, for being my mentor in all things spiritual - as you once said to me. I love you and honor your presence in my life.
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